Parrot is Dead......................

 

!!

At dawn the telephone rings,

"Hello, Se�or Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Se�or Bob, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Se�or, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Se�or Bob."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Se�or. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Se�or Bob."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Se�or Bob, he died f rom all that work
 pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Se�or."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Se�or! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Se�or Bob."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Se�or Bob."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Se�or Bob. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."

SILENCE...........

LONG SILENCE.........

VERY LONG
 SILENCE����

"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit. "


   

Do you really want to use margarine?!!!!

: Fwd: Fwd: FW: PASS THE BUTTER, PLEASE!!

  

 

Now I know for sure why I love butter!  :-)

 

 

 

Having worked at Unilevers Premier Margarine Factory in the UK for 1 Year as a Management Trainee, and then in Sri Lanka Managing Margarine Manufacture, I can safely admit that what you are about to read is true!!  

Pass The Butter ...  Please.        
   
This is interesting . .. .  
   
Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys.  When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back.     

It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow colouring and sold it to people to use in place of butter. How do you like it?  They have come out with some clever new flavourings....     
  
DO YOU KNOW the difference between margarine and butter?   
   
Read on to the end...gets very interesting!     
  
Both have the same amount of calories.  

Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams, compared to 5 grams for margarine. 
   
Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study. 
   
Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods.    

Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few and only because they are added!  
   
Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavours of  other foods. 
   
Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years.  

And now, for Margarine..  
   
Very high in trans fatty acids.  
   
Triples risk of coronary heart disease ...  

Increases LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol)  
   
Increases the risk of cancers up to five times..
   
Lowers quality of breast milk 
   
Decreases immune response. 
   
Decreases insulin response. 
   
And here's the most disturbing fact...HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING!  
   
Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC...and shares 27 ingredients with PAINT

These facts alone were enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance).     
  
Open a tub of margarine and leave it open in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will notice a couple of things:  

* no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something)  
 
* it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow.  Why?  Because it is nearly plastic . Would you melt your tupperware and spread that on your toast?  

 
Share this With Your Friends.....(If you want to 'butter them up' for better health)!

now - do you really want to use margarine?!!!!           
 

 

 

Christ Bell

 

Christ Bell This is an awesome e-mail.. Someone took a lot of time setting up this message. THE BELL I KNOW WHO I AM I am God's child (John 1:12) I am Christ's friend (John 15:15 ) I am united with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17) I am bought with a price (1 Cor 6:19-20) I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1) I am a personal witness of Christ.  (Acts 1:8) I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt 5:13-14) I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27) I am free forever from condemnation ( Rom. 8: 1-2) I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil 3 :20) I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31 -34) I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor 5:17-21) I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18) I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6) I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom 8:35-39) I am established, anointed, sealed by God  (2 Cor 1:21-22 ) I am assured all things work together for good  (Rom. 8:28 ) I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16 ) I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph.. 3: 12 ) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13 ) I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5) I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16).   I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10) I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3).. I have been justified (Romans 5:1) I am God's co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10) I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected. (Phil. 1: 5) I have been redeemed and forgiven ( Col 1:14). I have been adopted as God's child (Eph 1:5)  I belong to God Do you know Who you are? Keep this bell ringing...pass it on  'The LORD bless you and keep you; The LORD make His face shine upon you And be gracious to you; The LORD turn His face toward you And give you peace... Numbers 6:24-26 -felipe-

 

Health Information

" Health Benefits of Consuming Dates " 1) Dates are free from cholesterol and contain very low fat. Dates are rich in vitamins and minerals. 2) They are rich source of protein, dietary fiber and rich in vitamin B1, B2, B3 and B5 along with vitamin A1 and C. 3) It helps improve the digestive system as it contains soluble and insoluble fibers and different kinds of amino acids. 4) Dates are great energy boosters as they contain natural sugars like glucose, sucrose and fructose. To get more advantage add dates to milk and make it a very nutritious snack. 5) Dates are very low in calories and are extremely suitable for health conscious people. 6) Dates are rich in potassium and reduced in sodium. This helps regulate a healthy nervous system. Researchers have revealed the fact that potassium intake up to a certain extent can reduce risk of stroke. 7) Dates also help in lowering of the LDL cholesterol. 8) Dates have high iron content and are very useful in treating anemia. The patients can eat many dates for better advantages. 9) Dates also have fluorine that slows down the process of tooth decay. 10) It helps people suffering from constipation. Soak dates overnight and take it along with water to have added advantage. 11) Dates help in weight gain and are beneficial for those who suffer from over slimming problem. 12) Dates are excellent for alcoholic intoxication.Cures abdominal cancer. 13) It also helps in improving eye sight and helps in curing night blindness as well. "The best thing is that it does not have any side effect on the body and is completely natural as well as it works better than medicine."

STEPPING STONE TO STARDOM

TNN|Dec 10, 2012, 11.50AM IST

SHARE AND DISCUSS http://feminamissindia.indiatimes.com//articleshow/.cms http://feminamissindia.indiatimes.com//articleshow/.cmsTweet (L-R)Aishwarya Rai, Sushmita Sen and Diana Hayden

From ordinary women to global stars, Miss Indias have won 34 international titles, making the country the second-most successful participant at beauty pageants around the world

Indian women have traditionally been considered among the most beautiful in the world. With their combination of beauty, grace, poise and intelligence, they have been the embodiment of the perfect woman. No wonder then India has been one of the most successful participants in international beauty pageants.
Over the years, Indian participants have returned with 11 main title crowns in international pageants like Miss World, Miss Universe, Miss Earth, and Miss Asia Pacific. They have also come back 23 times with second and third positions. With an impressive 34 wins across various categories, India has been the second-most successful participant at these beauty pageants. Among the country's many achievements are:

Capturing the second highest number of Miss World titles — five, to be precise. Beauties like Aishwarya Rai (1994), Diana Hayden (1997), Yukta Mookhey (1999) and Priyanka Chopra (2000) have made the country proud over the years in the Miss World competition.

The historic moments when Sushmita Sen (1994) and Lara Dutta (2000) were crowned Miss Universe during their respective pageants. Besides Sushmita and Lara, participants like Yasmin Daji (1966), Madhu Sapre (1992), Manpreet Brar (1995) and Celina Jaitley (2001) were also triumphant in their pageants. They won the third runner-up, second runner-up, first runner-up and fourth runner-up positions, respectively, for the country.

Zeenat Aman (1970), Tara Anna Fonseca (1973) and Dia Mirza (2000) winning the Miss Asia-Pacific crowns.

Nicole Faria winning the Miss Earth crown in 2010.

And this is just a summary. Giving wings to the dreams of beautiful young women who aim to make a mark in the world of glamour, the institution of the Miss India pageant has acted as a stepping stone for many of today's global stars. Armed with dreams and determination, aspirants from the remotest corners of the country have made it big through the platform, while also bringing glory and respect to the country.

This year, the Miss India contest celebrates 50 years of its achievement-filled existence. To commemorate this special occasion, the country's leading facecare brand, Pond's, has joined hands with the pageant for the Pond's Femina Miss India 2013 to invite and encourage contestants from across India to participate.
Auditions have been initiated from all regions across the country. Seven city pageants are being held, out of which four have already been concluded in Pune, Goa, Indore and Bangalore. The next city on the list is Chandigarh, followed by Delhi and Kolkata in January 2013, which will culminate into the grand finale in Mumbai. The winner of the city pageants will get a lifetime opportunity to get fast-tracked to the finals at the grand finale of Pond's Femina Miss India 2013.

To apply, log on to http://feminamissindia.indiatimes.com and send your pictures on feminamissindia2013@gmail.com.

Pond's Gorgeously Alive
International celebrities who swear by the brand include singing sensation Kylie Minogue, who reveals Pond's as the secret of her glowing and youthful skin. Minogue has admitted she has started using it every day following her mother's advice. "It's really changed my skin," she said. "It's all I really use to look after my skin. It's such an old classic."

Pond's was the first sponsor when the Miss India pageant toured India with a fashion show and is now back with the Miss India pageant in its 50th year.

 

Effective Ways to Lower your Cholesterol Levels

Effective Ways to Lower your Cholesterol Levels

By Shraddha Yawalkar

The lifestyle of today is such that people always have too many balls in the air and are competing with time. However, that is no excuse to eat junk food on the go all the time. It leads to obesity and high cholesterol levels which are harmful for health. Even though awareness regarding this has been generated, the number of people suffering from high cholesterol has continues to increase steadily over the years. High cholesterol can easily be managed by following a few basic rules. Read on, before it’s too late.
1) Diet: The types of food you eat and they way they’re prepared can have an immense effect on the cholesterol levels in your body. Certain food themselves contain cholesterol which are known as dietary cholesterol. Some examples of such foods are kidneys, eggs and prawns. However, the as compared to saturated fats, cholesterol found in such food has much less effect on the level of cholesterol in your blood. It is essential to cut down on saturated fats in order to reduce your cholesterol levels.
i. Fats and Cholesterol : Saturated and unsaturated are the two main types of fat. Consuming foods that are high in saturated fat can raise cholesterol levels in the blood. Foods high in saturated fat include ghee, cheese, cream, cakes, biscuits, fatty cuts of meat and foods containing coconut or palm oil. Unsaturated fat can actually help in reducing cholesterol levels. Foods high in unsaturated fats include oily fish, nuts, seeds and vegetable oils and spreads. As nuts are high in calories, only a handful is enough per serving. Include nuts such as almonds, hazelnuts, walnuts etcetera. Fish contains omega-3 fatty acids which are very good for the heart. Finally, reduce the total amount of fat in your diet by avoiding fried and roasted foods. Steam, boil or grill your food. If you must use oil, use olive oil.
ii. Fiber and cholesterol: The two different types of fiber are soluble fiber and insoluble fiber. Soluble fiber can be digested by your body whereas insoluble fiber cannot. Foods containing soluble fiber include oats, beans, peas, lentils, chickpeas and of course, fruits and vegetables. Bananas are an excellent source of fiber. Soluble fiber can reduce the absorption of cholesterol into your bloodstream.
iii. Another important point to be considered is the size of the portion being consumed. Try to eat 5 balanced meals, containing small portions, a day. Reducing your intake of caffeine can also help in lowering your cholesterol levels.
2) Exercise: Studies have shown that exercising even 3 times a week can reduce your cholesterol levels. The best form of exercise is to go for long walks. It doesn’t require anything and can be done anytime, even in between your work. If you are looking more vigorous activities then you can try cycling, running, dancing and go to the gym. The most important thing is to enjoy what you do.
3) Drink Water: Try to drink at least 8 glasses of water per day as drinking more water keeps the body fitter as it reduces fats. Our kidneys also do not function properly if adequate amount of water is not supplied. Moreover, it also eliminates water retention properly. It makes the endocrine gland function properly which helps in balancing our body’s electrolytes, minerals such as sodium, chloride and potassium, which regulate body temperature and control blood pressure. Finally, it helps in the transportation of water-soluble vitamins and nutrients such as protein, minerals and vitamins across the body.
4) Quit Smoking: Smoking not only increases the LDL (low density lipoproteins, the bad cholesterol, while decreasing HDL (high density lipoproteins), the good cholesterol levels. This damages the arteries. The nicotine in cigarettes can also lead to heart palpitations. Smoking also makes the blood stickier by raising fibrinogen levels and platelet counts. Carbon monoxide from cigarette smoke also raises blood cholesterol levels. Research has found that giving up smoking leads to the rising of the HDL levels and depleting of the LDL levels. Within 24 hours of quitting, risk of a heart attack subsides. Due to all the above, it is proven that it makes sense to quit smoking.

MID TERM EXAM

HHHMMMM . . . .. Must be a farm boy like me!!!

MID TERM EXAM........I thought this was rather "cute".............

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages However, he wrote: 1) It is perfect formula for the child. 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6) It is always available as needed. And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote: 7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.